Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Modern Art Vs. Me

On Track? 

So, I've been pretty decent about my food intake, but less so about my alcohol intake. Which as we all (sadly) know has plenty of calories in it's own right. So, because I need to pay attention to this crap, I loaded up MyFitnessPal on my phone (again) and I started using it (again) today.

Today I was actually pretty awful. Not in a binge-eating way though. I forgot my lunch at home, and then got so busy at work that I never got a chance to eat lunch. The result was that by the time I got home from work at 5:30, all I had consumed was 300 calories for the whole day. I ate a half cup of macaroni salad when I got home because I felt a little light-headed, and now I'm defrosting skinless chicken breasts for dinner. I'll probably make up a green salad to go with it, and have strawberries for dessert.

Tonight I plan on shopping online for a treadmill, so I can walk or jog indoors. I don't much want to take long walks by myself, and anyway I get bored by myself, even though I love being outside. So treadmill it is!


This weekend I'm off with my husband, my sister-in-law, and my father-in-law to Minneapolis. We're all staying with family, and a trip to the Mall of America is planned. In case you're unaware of this ghastly behemoth, it is the Church of Consumerism, the Capital of Corporations. It is Conspicuous Spending at it's ugliest. it also has a rollercoaster, so count me in! Sean plans on going to the Lego Store where you can play with every lego set ever made, and they have huge bins of lego pieces. I want to stop in at Lush which is my favorite place ever to shop. Anything handmade and beautiful smelling is there. And I love my bath stuff a whole lot.
Did I mention my birthday is coming up? Guess how I'm treating myself.

The San Francisco Museum of Modern Art

Okay, so this could actually be called "Why I'm never allowed to return to the SFMOMA" and probably should be, but whatever.
So a group of friends of mine and myself all ended up at the SFMOMA. It's been long enough that I can't remember everyone who was there right now, but I know for sure my BF was because she was in on this. As always.
I have never been a fan of Modern Abstract art. Some of it seems to me like they're just going out of their way to be either incomprehensible or disgusting. And if you say "I think this is gross." they crow about how it's supposed to offend you. And if you say "This is stupid, and I don't get it." you're "incapable of understanding it's complexities."  Perhaps both statements are true. I'm willing to say maybe I'm offended because I don't understand it. Or maybe you're just full of shit.

So this was the mentality I went in to the SFMOMA with... probably was doomed from the start in retrospect.
I remember some of the exhibits were interesting, but the one that sticks with me was a series of naked men, sitting on stools blowing spit bubbles. The photos were beautifully composed, and lit... even if I didn't "get" it.
I hadn't been in the museum long when the drama started. I was looking at a statue (I don't even remember what the hell it was now) and I pointed out something to my BF. Out of no where a security guard appears.

Guard: You can't touch the art.
Me: I wasn't...
Guard: Back away from the art.

He followed us around a bit, and then I lost sight of him. A little bit later I was waiting for friends to finish looking at a piece, and I leaned against the blank wall near the doorway.

Guard: Ma'am, you are too close to the exhibit!
Me: *looks at the exhibit 12 feet away from me* Really?
Guard: Don't make me warn you again.

Now my feathers are ruffled. I know he's just doing his job, and it's probably a thankless bullshit job at that, but Really? So out popped my snark. A few rooms later, when I see that he's still behind us, I walked over to a bench in front of an exhibit and smirked at him.

Me: Can I sit here? Or is this a masterpiece too?

He didn't rise to my bait, sadly.

Near the end of the museum there were two artwork exhibits that really sort of pissed me off. I mean... what the fuck. One was a single canvas of solid blue. The other was three completely white panels. That's all they were. Solid. White. Panels.
So there I was standing in front of the white panels. Just staring. Flabbergasted. And BF says:

BF: So, how do these make you feel?
Me: Like I wish I had brought a sharpie...

And that was when I was herded out of the MOMA!

I was also tossed out of the deYoung Museum, but not because I didn't like the exhibits. Apparently cellphones will damage the artwork, and are not allowed, even if you're a panicked parent who is hurrying for the exit because your child has just been injured. Because, yanno.. the fucking artwork man.



  1. "Like I wish I had brought a sharpie..."


    Seriously, love it.

    Like I wish I had said that.

    1. We can always go to a museum in Chicago. I'm sure I can get us thrown out. ;)

    2. Fine. But we can't go to The Museum of Science and Industry.

      Because I've been thrown out of there already.

  2. Ah yes, good memories. I remember once looking at an exhibit for like ever. Trying to figure it out when a guard came up to me and asked if he could help. I asked him what the piece was titled and he said 'This ones called The Thermostat.'

    1. You're brilliant! :D And I mean that in the British way, as in "you're awesome".