Goddamn Bananas

Just a quickie today!

So I always end up having weird and childish conversations full of good-natured bickering. Today my victim was "Doodle". Doodles changed his Status on his IM to "Ate a banana instead of a Mars bar, so to celebrate I shall have a Mars bar" The IM conversation that followed is pasted here for your amusement.

10:38 AM me: How was that Mars bar?

  And bananas are gross by the way

10 minutes

10:49 AM Doodles: What.

  WHAT?

  WHAT?

  WHAT?

10:50 AM WHAT?

  Out of formatting options.

  Bananas are great.

  Take it back,

 me: LOL

  I actually gag at the smell of ripe bananas

 Doodles: NO!

 me: like seriously

10:51 AM Doodles: I love bananas.

  I have at least one a day.

  So easy to eat and digest.

  And tasty.

  We're going to have a big falling out over this I can sense it.

  Unless you change things by eating a banana today.

  Will you eat a banana today?

  To save our friendship?

 me: so does Husband. I tried being nice to him and make banana bread b/c he loves it, but I kept throwing up.

 Doodles: Or are you going to remain self centered.

10:52 AM me: I will eat one if it is Still a little green

 Doodles: So do it for your marriage too.

  Husband is a good man.

 me: I can handle them if they're a little green.

  ripe ones are too strong smelling for me.

10:54 AM I'm totally putting this conversation into my blog.

10:55 AM Doodles: :D

  You may refer to me as Doodles again

 me: I totally will, you can be sure of that

10:56 AM Because it amuses me.

 Doodles: Sexcellent

11:03 AM me: I should print out one of your drawings and put it up here. I have one of Nykolai's pieces up amongst the photos of family.

 Doodles: Oooh

11:16 AM me: Are you drawing me something? You are, aren't you? :D

11:17 AM Doodles: Not right now

 me: :fingerscrossed:

 Doodles: Are you eating a frickin' banana?

  No. Didn't think so.

11:18 AM me: No. But I don't have one. makes a face at you   

 

Never Piss Off A Vegan; They're Always Hungry

Hello! I'm feeling super happy and sort of sickeningly chipper today. Probably has something to do with the wine slushies I'm drinking!

I'm also happy to announce that my healthy lifestyle reformation is going well! I've actually gone vegetarian, for a number of reasons, not the least of which was this news article We Are Just One Animal Out of Many.
Mind you, that is Vegetarian, not Vegan because I have an obsession with cheese, but we're being careful to buy only humanely produced cheese from local farms. The farmers around this area are wonderful, and treat their livestock very well. We often drive by this one farm where the cows are often seen frolicking in the large open field that is their domain. No cramped awful pens for these happy guys. It's very sweet to watch.
Since the change I have felt amazing. I used to come home starving, eat some dinner, and then feel sleepy, and heavy, even when I ate strict calorie controlled portions. Now after I eat dinner, I feel great. Last night I went for a jog around the block after dinner, and only came back in because of the threatening storm.
My husband, the ever stoic Number One, does most of the cooking but has not gone veggie with me. However, he's been fantastically supportive and has been adjusting his grocery buying and recipes to suit me.

He's stuck eating the whole dead chicken in our freezer however.

Wine and beer are most of the time considered Vegan (unless they contain honey or have been filtered with blah blah there's a lot to this which I'm sure you'd be bored by) so I double checked and thankfully my favorite vintner and brewery (Wollersheim Winery and New Glarus Brewery respectively) are Vegan and proud. So... I'm going to support them! *hic*


It's a good thing I'm being healthier, because I need to make sure the rest of me is in good shape for the inevitable liver transplant surgery I am going to need.

I honestly haven't missed meat yet, and the only side effect I've had was feeling a little weird and tired on the third day in. I've been very careful to make sure I'm eating plenty of protein by cooking almost daily with Quinoa, or legumes, and it's a good excuse to eat hummus which I adore. It's actually an issue, because if left alone I can eat an entire tub of it, and while that is still vegetarian, it isn't healthy. I also have been eating organic peanut butter, which is delicious.
I'm not eating too much soy, because it seems to be a migraine trigger for me in large quantities. I discovered this when I switched to soy milk to accommodate my lactose intolerance. I still love soy milk though, but I can't have it every day. I do the same with cheese... or at least I should, but I can stand stomach aches better than I can withstand migraines.

Holy shit, I am the most boring, rambling blogger ever. I'm going to go do something crazy, just so I can entertain you people. THAT'S HOW DEDICATED I AM! If I get arrested, I hope you're happy! SHEESH!

Spotify May Be The Greatest Thing Ever

So, as I discussed on my post The Answer with Christine (btw her blog is awesome, and she's really funny and sweet, so go read), I love weird and sort of stupid music. So much so that I have created an entire Spotify playlist dedicated to the dumbest, and greatest music I can find/stomach. 

If you're unfamiliar with Spotify, allow me to sum up: You can stream music to your computer for free, any songs you like, any time you like, and all you have to do is suffer through one or two very short advertisements every 15 minutes or so. If you pay for their Prime membership you can stream anything you want with no ads even through your mobile phone... which I would love to have, but it's alright, their radio isn't too bad either, you just don't get to select the songs you want. You can however tell it "I want to listen to stuff like the Foo Fighters." and it will pick and choose bands and genres that are very similar. So, it's pretty good!

Now that you're all sold on Spotify, allow me to attempt to share the list here.

Wow, that totally worked! Okay, now I promise it isn't all Weird Al. I'd go so far as to say that most of it is not, but the list here shows up in order that I added it, and I just happened to add all of Weird Al first. I recommend starting with nearly anything Candia or Charity Case by MC Frontalot and Handlebars by the Flobots. If you don't want spotify, but still are interested in weird music, the song titles are links to the YouTube videos for those songs. (the MC Frontalot videos are not his videos, but I could only find live versions of them, and I sort of dislike live videos...) Handlebars is particularly good, and the song gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. If you have spotify and want to be on my friends list there, just let me know, I would love to share music with you.

Quotable Quotes

I have started saving these places, because some of the conversations I have with my husband are silly, and he insists I share them. Especially when they make him look brilliant and awesome, and make me look like a spaz.


Sitting in the jeep with Number One- 
Husband: Are you wearing Febreze as a perfume? 
Me: (refusing to look at him) No... That would silly.   
Husband: I ask only because you're the Captain of silliness and because it suddenly smells pretty in here. 


Me: Are you going to the store, because I would like lemon sorbet please? 
Husband: Sure. 
Me: Or any kind of citrus fruit flavor is fine. 
Husband: We have mangoes, and kiwi in the fridge. 
Me: *looking at him confusedly* ...None of those are ice cream.


Next post, I will share photos of the fun shit I do on my weekends. Here's a hint: It involves women taking off their clothes! (We photograph Burlesque shows, and have people offer us drinks)

Stay Tuned!

The Answer

Hello! It's been a while, but it has been time well spent for me! I was preparing for the "Dirty Girl Mud Run" that I spoke about in my blog post "I'm Getting Dirty". I had more fun than I ever thought I would. I really, really enjoyed it! So much so that I've decided to keep doing them!

The next one is in October and it looks awesome. If I can get in a bit better shape (this one is 10k instead of 5k like the Dirty Girl) then I'm going for it. I bought proper running shoes last night, so I can get serious about it. My ultimate goal now is to do The Tough Mudder. it will take me years of training, and a lot of dedication, but I want to be able to look at myself and know that I did THAT. I want to look at things in life and say "Yeah, I got rear ended, and I can't really afford to lose my car... but this is easier than that time I ran through live wires to to get to the finish line after having run 11 miles."

I can do this.

Oh! I suppose you would like to see photos of the Dirty Girl? I can totally do that for you.



It was an absolutely gorgeous day for it, and thankfully not too warm, as I was about to put myself through more than I had ever done in my whole life.

August 19th, Delafield WI

We were dressed up in vaguely super hero costumes for the run, because why not? So as a nod to my friends, I will refer to them by their super hero identities. There were five of us, and we had a Supergirl, a Batgirl, a Robin and a Wonder Woman. I was, of course, Captain America. Yeah we were mixing up our comic universes.. shut it.

*cue dramatic music*

We called ourselves The Just-Us League. Robin is my sister-in-law by the way.

All of the costumes were pretty awesome. There were women competing in tutus, in angel wings, in wigs... you name it! The only thing I didn't see were ladies trying to wear high heels, which is a good thing as they would have quickly broken their necks. The best costumed team was (in my opinion) the Sumo Ladies. Yep, you guessed it. They were dressed up as Sumo Wrestlers.

GET IN MAH BELLEH!

Seriously, it can't get any better than this. Hilarious!

Sadly, because they want me to pay for photos of myself looking like a dork, they wouldn't allow my brilliant husband to follow us around the track. Which means my darling blog-stalkers are missing out on photos of me clinging to a cargo net two stories high, being dragged through the mud on my face by Supergirl, and the massive Just-Us League mud battle. It was EPIC! I would leave right now for a chance to do it all again today.

Batgirl and I celebrate having made it out of the woods, which were full of cords strung between the trees like creepy spiderwebs

The huge wall climb was, I think, the hardest one. We'd already been jogging/walking for about 3 miles at this point, and I wasn't blown or anything but that was a really tall wall. I ended up twisting my ankle a little on the up-and-over portion, but I was fine after a while.

Captain: Ah damn... can I just.. like, stay here? Robin: WHEEEEEE!

It was an amazing feeling to finish. I wouldn't have bet on me completing the whole course, but I did! I felt simply fantastic afterwards too! I honestly felt like a super hero.

Only clean spot on my face: under the goggles.

We're some dirty mother.. shut yo mouth!

The experience has highlighted for me the need for taking my health more seriously though. Looking at the photos makes me realise that I cannot continue to be in the shape I am currently in, and still respect myself. It's not a matter of "Oh, I want to be skinny so people think I'm pretty", it's a dawning realization that the things I enjoyed doing are very difficult when I'm out of shape. I love camping, and hiking, and I've always wanted to take kayaking trips, but it's more difficult when you're out of shape. I also love to swim, but I'm self-conscious in a swimsuit, so I don't do much swimming anymore. I don't want to continue like this any longer.

I want to feel like this more often is what I'm saying. 

And The Answer Is!

I listen to a few different music apps while I'm at work, mostly because I get bored fairly quickly if one of them gets stuck playing the same tracks over and over. Lately I've been listening to a lot of hip-hop, dubstep and as much Die Antwoord as I can get. I doubt many of you have heard of Die Antwoord, so I'll explain briefly. They're a South African group and though I would say they're rap, it has a lot of techno and tribal music involved. I pretty much love it. Some of their lyrics are in Afrikaans, but that's not much of a barrier for me, as I have a friend who talks to me in Afrikaans so I pick up some of it and the rest I just look up. The interesting thing is that they're so very different in interviews than their stage personas. Apparently they don't drink, or do drugs, despite what they sing about. They're pretty interesting. Die Antwoord translates to "The Answer" by the way. I wonder what the question was?
My husband says my fascination with them is weird, but I like them anyway!

I apparently just missed out on them in concert in Chicago, which is disappointing.

Jy moet luister na 'n paar vreemde kak.

I Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes

Your Love Is Like A Rollercoaster Baby

June and July have been wonderful, and awful, and completely interesting. The ability to paint, and decorate as we please is such a glorious benefit to this apartment, and I honestly cannot say enough about how excited I am over having a fireplace. One of the beautiful new pieces of art going up on our walls is a painting by my dear friend Nykolai Aleksander.  It's simply stunning!

I need to get a frame for it, but it will look great in the living room.

Storytime!

So, once upon a time I lived in London England, as I have mentioned in passing. The nice thing about living over the pond is that all of Europe is so close! I didn't travel outside of England quite as much as I wish I had, but I did manage to make it to Amsterdam, because I was young, and very interested in ...The Coffee Shops.

*coughs*

Anyway, It was a really lovely trip, and I got to spend time with a friend who lived there. We climbed to the top of  the Martinitoren in Groningen, and strolled through Assen (where he lived). But on my first day there, we were in Amsterdam herself. What a city! 

We drank at a few places, and stopped in at a Cafe. There was a man who stopped me in the street and asked me if I knew his friend Charlie. In my naivete, I grinned and said "I don't know, do I?" Erik managed to stop laughing long enough to explain that the man was asking me if I wanted cocaine. I picked up some strange candies (which were gross) that I think were salted licorice, and a marijuana lollipop (which was surprisingly tasty). There were bicycles everywhere, and I don't think anyone there was overweight. We saw a movie in English with Dutch subtitles. It was "Wallace & Grommet, and the Curse of the Wererabbit". Still one of my favorite films. The most bizarre thing I saw while I was there was a women's babydoll t-shirt that said "Mas, papa. Por favor!" I stood in front of the window it hung in for a good 10 minutes trying to decide if it was a poor translation job that made them order that shirt, or if it was intentional. I never did figure that one out.

I wish I could find more of the photos I took, but I wasn't as good with my backing up of files back then. I also lost a laptop in London when the flat was broken into.

"ERMIGERD! A giant novelty shoe!!! You must prove how much my friendship means to you by HUMILIATING yourself by sitting in it for a photo!!!"

No, I'm not laying down in it, I'm just that much shorter than Erik. 

The Red Light District was not as crazy as I imagined, though that may have had a lot to do with our being there in the day time.There were boobs everywhere though, and I bought a penis shaped salt shaker for my friend Keir, who in a very British, and polite way, declined my gift. I can't remember where that penis ended up. I probably gave it to someone I wanted to make uncomfortable. (It was a very *large* salt shaker.)

It's been so many years that a lot of what we did is sort of a blur. I remember that Erik tried to kill me with food from Febo. It was so hot that I burned myself when I tried to eat it, but once it cooled down it was very tasty. He refused to tell me what was in it however, so to this day I have no idea what I ate. It could have been anything. It set a precident of not asking about what I was eating however, which culminated in my wolfing down haggis, before asking what it was made from. Lesson learned*.


When we arrived at Erik's house, we proceeded to drink way too much, and smoke various things. (I was still a tobacco smoker back then). It was all fun and games until someone vomited (me) and someone passed out (..okay, fine. That was also me.) I vaguely recall crawling on hands and knees up the extremely steep staircase, and sleeping fully clothed on the guest bed.

Best. Time. Ever.

Yep. I'm a special snowflake, for sure. There is another one where he stacked bottle caps on me, but you don't get to see that. I must retain some dignity.

So there you go crew, another story of the stupidness that is my life. Husband and I plan to start taking more vacations, and visiting my friends that live abroad, so pretty soon there will be many more ridiculously irresponsible tales of my adventures.

Till next time!

*by lesson learned I mean I learned nothing.

I'm really terrible at Blogging

Nothing much exciting here

Still unpacking, and settling in. It's a process. This apartment makes my mood swing wildly about at times. I like a clean place, but I'm not horribly fussy about "tidy". Example: I hate having dishes in the sink, or an unvacuumed carpet, but I don't mind a neatly stacked pile of books, or a shelf full of knick-knacks.
However, one thing I cannot stand is bugs. Ugh. I don't mind bugs outside, because that is where they belong. They don't belong in my home though!
And we have an ant problem. A horrible, ugly, disgusting ant problem. They're the tiniest ants I've ever seen, about the size of three grains of sugar. And they're driving me mad! I'm frustrated all the time. They even got into my freezer! Of course they all died immediately, but still I had to pull everything out, bleach the inside, check all the food to be sure it was all still ant free (it was, I mean, really... it's all wrapped in there, right?).

Plus, almost a month here and my dishwasher is still broken. Ugh.

Noah's Ark

On Wednesday, the 27th of June, I ran away from all the chaos here, and stayed all day at Noah's Ark. If you've never been to the Wisconsin Dells, it's a giant waterpark. Oh man, I loved it so much. I really needed to have a few more days of that. Not the high priced food, or the ridiculous souvenirs, but the warm sun, clean water, and getting to float around on a tube while I chat inanely with a friend. I feel like I don't get to decompress very much, which is quite honestly my own fault in many ways, as I have a hard time relaxing. It would be nice though to have more time for fun.

Housewarming!

This weekend we're having a small housewarming party. I say small because no one has RSVP'd, so it might be just the three of us that live here, and my sister-in-law. But on the other hand, everyone might show up unannounced! We'll see.

I have the living room/computer area, hallway and bathroom painted. The kitchen is a god awful color, but it's going to have to stay that way just now.
I have photos!

The photos aren't the best, by the way, because the lighting is really bad, and I was too lazy to do anything about it. Sorry.

The color is "rainforest fern" and Data goes well with it.

The bathroom color is my favorite, so I'm trying to think of excuses to use the color elsewhere in our apartment. It's called "peacock blue" and it's... bold.

Bold like a PEACOCK! AMIRIGHT?

The kitchen will probably end up a light green. Something that compliments our living room. Our bedroom will probably end up a light russet color of some sort, since all of our bed linens are in shades that vary from copper to chocolate.

People More Interesting Than Myself!

If you're still reading at this point, WOW! I am SO sorry. This entry has been really boring and long, so I'm going to reward you with super awesome links.

I read a number of blogs, most of them by complete strangers, but a couple of my good friends also write blogs. They are all funnier, and more talented than I am. More interesting too, while I'm being honest.

http://sarahfoundkorea.blogspot.kr
My friend Sarah is from the U.S., speaks French fluently, and is teaching English in South Korea currently. She started a blog to chronicle the crazy ups and downs of being a sarcastic female in a foreign land.


http://keiross.com/ 
One of my dearest friends, he happens to also be a pretty funny guy. He and I don't get to talk every day, or even see each other very often currently, but it's always as if no time has passed at all when we do. He moved from the UK to Germany for work, and now he's blogging the schnitzel out of Berlin. 

Cry Havok, and Let Loose the Weasels of War!

Not my god damned day...

I had been typing for two hours this evening about how I'd been the past few weeks, and then my browser froze, and I lost EVERYTHING.

I'm discouraged now, because I felt like I had a really awesome flow going. 

Alright, I'll try again, and hopefully be as funny and witty as I (felt I) was the first time. It may be a losing battle as I am now 3 drinks into a pretty decent drunk.

Adventures In Weasel-Sitting

I have been so busy the past few weeks, so I'm sorry about the lack of posts. I'm honestly horrible when it comes to packing, and moving. I'm awful. And Husband isn't much better to be honest. So between us, we're pretty ineffectual. It's amazing. But tonight I started putting away the last of what was unpacked, such as the pots and pans we had been using for day-to-day cooking, and the utensils. From here on out, if it doesn't come pre-prepared... then we're not eating it.

To add to the chaos, I've been babysitting a friend's ferrets while she's in New York visiting family for Memorial Weekend. Over Christmas I watched her ferret Shiver, and I loved her. She enjoyed sitting in my lap while I watched TV, or snuggling inside of my bathrobe while I typed on my laptop. She was awesome, and sweet. But what I didn't realise was that Shiver was an older ferret at the end of her lifespan. She was mellowed by time.
Roscoe and Hannalore are about a year old, and feisty. They chase my cats, wrestle my feet, and like to attack unsuspecting shoes with unparalleled ferocity. Seven seems to love them, and will allow them to in turn chase, and be chased by her. They lay in the hallway and wrestle until she's done with it, and then she holds one of the ferrets down and grooms it. Data on the other hand will climb to the top of his cat tree out of their reach and give us looks like "What the shit... really? You're gonna let them do that?" They're so ornery that we've taken to calling them "War Weasels" rather than ferrets. They get all riled up, and do this insane war dance. It's laugh out loud funny, I mean seriously.

I love Roscoe more than is reasonable, and he's adorably fat, like a badger. Hannalore is more dominant, and would rather play than cuddle. Neither of them ever bite, ever.
If it weren't for the fact that they're only 90% litter box trainable, I would want a pair for myself.

Oh, what's that you say..? I didn't mention the litter box part? Oh yes, how silly of me. They're pooping in my corners if I don't watch them.
Pooping. In. My. House.
In the corners.

Yep... it's lovely.

We've only had three accidents on carpet, but there have been a few of them on tile. And ferret poop smells delightful. It's wonderful* actually.. No seriously, it reminds me of a movie scene, hold on.

What a wonderful smell you've discovered... no seriously, is that ferret shit?

But they're hysterical beasts to watch. I do sort of love them. Musky smell and all.** Here's a video of Roscoe killing my socks for the betterment of all ferret-kind, because apparently war weasels must have a battle to fight, even if that battle is against fabric.

 

Chicago!  

June 10th I'm headed to Chicago to see The Bloggess! I have my copy of her book, and I will probably buy another copy as a gift for my best friend. I get to hang out with the ever lovely Lauren on this trip as well, so how cool is that?

 It'll be a whole weekend trip, so look for a lot of photos to come from it, especially since my dSLR is now working again. I can show off my mad photo skillz, yeah baby, yeah!

I promised Bob that I'd get a photo for him, so he knows we're thinking of him, so look for that as well.


I'll leave you with more weasel insanity:

PS. My home is not usually so messy, I keep a very tidy house most days, but please refer back to the previous statement about being ineffectual about packing and moving. Thank you.

*By wonderful I, of course, mean disgusting.
**To be fair, I would rate "ferret smell" as somewhere better than "wet dirty dog" but worse than "hamster cage"

EDIT: OH! I almost forgot to mention that I have a beautiful bike now! I've been riding it fairly often so for, and I love it. Here's a photo I took the first day I had it, when I was riding it home.

It's very fancy, and shifts gears automatically. Because I'm trying to lose weight... but I'm also lazy. 

Till next time my lovely readers!

A Promise, not a real post

This is just a place holder, I will be writing a proper blog soon about my amazing* adventures in Ferret sitting. I have video, and photographs. Also, I move on Thursday, so look for more frequent blogging soon! Yay!



*omg kill me now, they're on meth or something...

Mister Sandman, Bring Me A Dream

Just A Short Post

I had a bad dream last night. I woke up this morning very disturbed and uneasy. I dreamt that I had pet rabbits, and when I went to feed them I realised that they were out of water, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd filled their water bottles. They were so thirsty, and dehydrated. I cried in my dream because I felt so bad about it. These creatures depended on me, were members of my family, and I'd neglected them!
I awoke intensely disturbed, and upset.

Laugh all you like, you have your fears, I have mine. *chuckles* Mine happen to involve failing to protect animals, and loved ones. 


What kind of bad dreams do you guys have?


"-People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes." -Neil Gaiman's The Sandman, Preludes and Nocturnes 

 

Phoning It In

Damn I'm Busy

 Hey guys! I've been super caught up with things elsewhere on webspace, and just haven't had much to talk about right now. We did hear from the landlord, and yes it was nothing at all. He just wanted to know if we were happy here, and to let us know that he wasn't raising the rent this year. The strange part was that in an effort to soothe my panic, Husband found us a new apartment to move to that's two houses down from us, and $300 less. So I think we're moving anyway. Weird, huh? The new apartment has a basement (it's actually more of a house than an apartment, really), and a yard that I can plant in, rather than growing all of my flowers in pots on the deck. Oh! It also has a FIREPLACE! Which means I can totally decorate properly for Christmas this year. FUCK YAH!
Snow falling softly outside of our sliding glass doors, while a fireplace burns merrily in our hearth. OMFG I love this idea already and it's still Spring!

So we'll be moving in June, which means I have a bunch of mad packing to do. Holy shit do I ever... it's only just hit me as I type this..
Sooooo, I might have another anxiety attack on the way. Fuck my life.

Nah, I'm kidding... fireplace.

Dieting... Like a Boss

 I weighed myself yesterday and I weighed.... are you ready?


I mean really ready? Because this is good.


Sure? You're ready now?


Okay....



I weigh 215lbs! I've lost 5lbs since I started this bullshit. And you know what, it has gotten easier. I'm using MyFitnessPal to track what I eat, and what exercise I do and it's starting to show. The other day I ordered a salad from McDonald's (shut up... It was my only option at that time. Unless I chose not to eat at all.) Before when I'd ordered the salads at fast food places, I'd eat it, and then still be hungry. But I got halfway through it and was uncomfortably full, so I just tossed the rest. And totally had guilt over it because you know there are starving kids out there who would have loved to have had that salad you thankless horrible person! Gah... Yes that actually went through my mind.
I totally should have been Catholic, I have a very well developed sense of guilt. I'd have fit in perfectly. I feel guilty for everything. Kill a spider? Guilt. Eat meat? Guilt. Squirt my cat with water for peeing in my plants? Guilt!
I'm totally rambling now. FOCUS!

So obviously this method of accountability is working for me, which is fantastic. I still need to get a treadmill, and I want one very badly because we're getting into the rainy part of the year here, and I don't want to lose any ground. I may just start jogging in place like a derpface with the blinds drawn so no one looks in and reports someone having a seizure in their apartment.

Copy & Paste!

So the rest of what follows is a re-post from my old blog. I stole the idea from Lauren, so if you hate it... well don't blame her because she's super adorable, and sweet. You can't hate her even if you try, and I don't know why you'd try.. you awful person. 

So, it has been a while since I've updated on here. But since very very few people are reading this, it's okay. :P Seven has fully recovered from her owie, and her claw has grown back in with no issues. There was some concern that it might curve into her paw when it grew back in, but no. It's perfectly normal.

The cats still steal our food, like tiny, fur-covered bandits. But there are added distractions now. Like birds. And fish. Oh yes, nothing is quite so amazing as the 50 gallon fish tank in our dining room. Especially Betty. Betty is a black moor goldfish. (Is she really a "gold"fish if she's black? Discuss.) And for some reason, Data and Seven are obsessed with her. Not that we don't have other fish in the tank mind you. But they only want to harass Betty.

When we first got the 50 gallon, Seven decided to throw herself into it. While it was full of water. I watched it happen, in slow motion. Time ground down slowly, like bullet-time, as I watched her put her tiny paws on the top, and heave herself up and over. Her little body slid over the lip, and into the water, where her head immediately dunked itself under the surface. I don't think she was expecting the water, for surely she'd have requested tiny water-wings if so. Her eyes bugged wide open and she flailed frantically for a mere half a second before surfacing and scrambling out of the tank of kitten doom. It seemed so much longer than it really was. I can still picture her face as she realised what had just happened. She blamed me for it too. I could tell in her eyes as she licked herself off. Why had I not warned her? Why had I not stopped her? I tried to explain that I would have, but it happened so fast... unfortunately I couldn't stop laughing long enough to make words.

Soon, we added an occupant to the tank, which was Betty. She must have thought that she'd won the fishy lotto, since she was the only occupant of the 50gal for a number of days. Seven and Data would both sit on the table in front of the tank, and watch her swim, like fans at the slooowest tennis match ever. Back and forth, back and forth. Eventually though, all good things end, and we moved Betty into her actual home, which was a 10gal "hospital tank". That's how she acquired her name btw. She's "Nurse Betty". Seven's obsession finds new heights with the move, while Data's shifts to the birds outside, as the weather has by this time warmed up some, and the birds have returned en masse to the feeder outside our window. (The fact that I bought peanuts for the chipmunks and squirrels may have also contributed...)

Here's Seven with Betty                                      

We added fish to the large tank, and everything was going swimmingly (hurr) until one day when I had the lid to Betty's tank off, to feed her. Seven had forgotten the very important lesson she'd learned while she was inside the water of the big tank. Namely that water is wet, and she doesn't like it when it's deep.

So once again, swimming cat.

Unfortunately, this time around, we had a minor casualty. Betty sustained an injury, and the water of the hospital tank was now really yucky with cat fur. So I had to put Betty in the larger tank to recover from her injury, which is the opposite of how that shit is supposed to work, for reasons I'm about to disclose.

Betty developed a serious infection in the wound, and contracted ich. Shortly thereafter, everyone else in our tank had it. It's like freeking herpes or something... jesus. It really spreads fast. The rainbows were just COVERED in it, and the pleco succumbed within days of infection. A quick eulogy and a burial at sea followed. (It was lovely, many kind words were spoken and tears shed. We had bad wine and lemon cake afterwards during the wake)

They're all fine now (except the plec, of course... though I suppose he's fine too now. In fishy heaven, or the vast nothingness of the tea-time of the soul) and once she was all healthy Betty showed her true colors.

She is a horrible, horrible vandal.

She methodically made a route around the tank, and chewed through all of the stems of the plants I had put in the tank. The real plants. No plastic things for my tank, no sir. She's eaten about $45 worth of plants at this point, I think. I'm not sure what to do about her now. I thought about trading her to the pet store I bought her at, in exchange for credit towards another fish, but Seven loves her so much. (Loves? Hates? Wants to eat?.. I don't know. We'll go with it.) So I'm considering putting her back in the 10gal, but then she'll be lonely. Am I putting too much thought into this? Probably.

In other news, Sean has a full time job as a bartender at a really awesome new restaurant. The downside of this was that Data was home alone, all day, for a few days. So last Sunday, he felt he needed to talk to me about this.

When Data "talks to me" about issues he has, it usually takes the form of peeing. Thankfully it's never on the carpets, or the walls like some male cats will do. But it's always very clear.

Like the last time he had an issue with me, he dragged a towel around the living room, until it was in front of his litter box. He then proceeded to pee all over the towel. When I tried to pick him up to stop him, he just looked at me and kept peeing.

"Do you see what I'm peeing mom? I'm peeing my anger."

Turns out I had forgotten to clean his litter box for a day or two. Unacceptable, mom. And he let me know it.

Well, he had issue with dad not being home, so while I was getting ready for work, he tried to pee in my potted palms. I caught him, and wrapped plastic over the tops, so he couldn't dig in the rocks. He watched me do this, and then when he was SURE I was paying attention, peed in his cat bed.

Not really sure what he was thinking, since it's HIS bed, but hell I'd rather he do that than pee all over mine!

It's better now, as Sean is going into work at around 4pm, and I'm home by 5:30, but he's watching us in case we shirk our duties to him again.

 Wrapping Up

If you guys are interested in fish as well as cats, I can do a post next time about the tank, and how it looks today. I really want to say "Leave a comment on what you'd like me to post about next" but my blog isn't big enough for that... 

Yet.

Till next time folks!  

It's The Little Things In Life... (with photos)

I Feel Hungover

But I'm not. I somehow woke up with a queasy stomach, and a headache despite not drinking. Perhaps it's the ghost of my younger days, when I would drink until I could barely see and then wake up fresh as a daisy the next morning, coming back to haunt me. I also managed to hyperextend my right knee while making the bed last night... don't ask me how, I'm just that freeking graceful. Despite all this, I plan on going for a very nice walk today. I still don't have my treadmill for my exercise and I'm behind on my goals. So walking it is!
Thankfully we have some beautiful biking trails around this city, so I'm going to walk along those, and probably chase some frogs, or lizards.

Because I do that sort of crap.

Easter Weekend

So I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend, no matter if you celebrate Easter, Passover or just the awesomeness of having a bloody long weekend. I'm not religious in any real way, but Sunday was my birthday, so we celebrated! WOO!
My mother-in-law (who is religious) decided to make twice the food apparently, so we could have two celebrations at once. There was enough to feed a squad of US Marines.. no joke. There was also two cakes, and a pie at the end of it. Shockingly, I didn't gain weight that day. Neither did I lose any, but I considered it a minor miracle anyway.

My son, who flew in from his dad's in North Carolina for Spring Break, ate till he popped, and then fell into a food coma on the sofa, while the oldies chatted over our pieces of sugary goodness. (I had the red velvet cake YUM) He's gotten pretty damned tall, this child of mine, and is becoming an adult before my eyes. Makes me feel old, and sad. I want to hug him back to being a little boy again.

It's not the most flattering photo, sorry. But you can see the shaved head really well. I can hardly argue about the hair, by the way, since when I was his age I shaved my head in the exact same manner. So I decided to handle it the same way my mother did.
"It's your head. You have to live with it until it grows out."
It takes all the fun out of rebellion when your parents don't care. ;) I had taken it a step further, and dyed it colors, but he declined when I offered to make his hair blue and green to match Easter eggs. Boy, I sure know how to ruin his fun. *grins*

He looks like a young (drug-free) Sid Vicious here.

 Also part of the Easter fun was the brand new puppy that my mother-in-law got. Her name is Daisy, and she's a pure-bred Golden Retriever. I personally wouldn't ever pay for a pure-bred, because not only have her dogs cost her arms and legs, and most of her internal organs to start with, they also have more health issues than any mutt I have ever owned. They are very well loved dogs though, and she can afford the medical costs, while my husband and I cannot. As a matter of fact, we've only had to take our "pound kitties" to the vet once for something outside of their usual wellness check ups for their shots. (I'll post about that next time though, as it's a pretty funny story.)
Now, since everyone loves puppy pictures, and Daisy is without a doubt the most "AWWW" inducing puppy I have ever met... Without further ado: Daisy.

Mini-Sid with Daisy

My gorgeous husband (Also known as "Number One") with Daisy

If your head doesn't explode from cute, you should see a doctor.

Spring Cleaning!

Yesterday  I made a list of stuff to take care of around the house for my annual spring cleaning marathon, since for the first time since ...well, for the first time in my memory actually, I have the whole week off at home. I took the week off to be with my boy, so I figured we could use it to clean as well as spend time together. (because I'm REALLY not good with idle time. Blogging helps me with this, I need shit to do.)
One of the things on my list was to wash all my linens, and then fold and put them away again. The Winter sheets sets get wrapped in plastic, and stored with a dryer sheet or two, and the Summer sheets get pulled out of the same plastics, washed and placed on the beds, or put on the linen shelf for later. Now I know most people find folding the fitted sheets difficult, and I did too until I developed my technique for folding. I thought that I would help everyone by sharing this great way to fold that I developed myself. If it helps you out, please let me know in the comments!

That's all there is to it!

I'm sure I had more to talk about, but now all I can think about is that it's nearly 1pm, and I haven't started my walk yet, or had anything to eat. So until next time, when we'll discuss my cat's vet visit, and perhaps post photos from the walk.

Modern Art Vs. Me

On Track? 

So, I've been pretty decent about my food intake, but less so about my alcohol intake. Which as we all (sadly) know has plenty of calories in it's own right. So, because I need to pay attention to this crap, I loaded up MyFitnessPal on my phone (again) and I started using it (again) today.

Today I was actually pretty awful. Not in a binge-eating way though. I forgot my lunch at home, and then got so busy at work that I never got a chance to eat lunch. The result was that by the time I got home from work at 5:30, all I had consumed was 300 calories for the whole day. I ate a half cup of macaroni salad when I got home because I felt a little light-headed, and now I'm defrosting skinless chicken breasts for dinner. I'll probably make up a green salad to go with it, and have strawberries for dessert.

Tonight I plan on shopping online for a treadmill, so I can walk or jog indoors. I don't much want to take long walks by myself, and anyway I get bored by myself, even though I love being outside. So treadmill it is!

Tripping

This weekend I'm off with my husband, my sister-in-law, and my father-in-law to Minneapolis. We're all staying with family, and a trip to the Mall of America is planned. In case you're unaware of this ghastly behemoth, it is the Church of Consumerism, the Capital of Corporations. It is Conspicuous Spending at it's ugliest. it also has a rollercoaster, so count me in! Sean plans on going to the Lego Store where you can play with every lego set ever made, and they have huge bins of lego pieces. I want to stop in at Lush which is my favorite place ever to shop. Anything handmade and beautiful smelling is there. And I love my bath stuff a whole lot.
Did I mention my birthday is coming up? Guess how I'm treating myself.

The San Francisco Museum of Modern Art

Okay, so this could actually be called "Why I'm never allowed to return to the SFMOMA" and probably should be, but whatever.
So a group of friends of mine and myself all ended up at the SFMOMA. It's been long enough that I can't remember everyone who was there right now, but I know for sure my BF was because she was in on this. As always.
I have never been a fan of Modern Abstract art. Some of it seems to me like they're just going out of their way to be either incomprehensible or disgusting. And if you say "I think this is gross." they crow about how it's supposed to offend you. And if you say "This is stupid, and I don't get it." you're "incapable of understanding it's complexities."  Perhaps both statements are true. I'm willing to say maybe I'm offended because I don't understand it. Or maybe you're just full of shit.

So this was the mentality I went in to the SFMOMA with... probably was doomed from the start in retrospect.
I remember some of the exhibits were interesting, but the one that sticks with me was a series of naked men, sitting on stools blowing spit bubbles. The photos were beautifully composed, and lit... even if I didn't "get" it.
I hadn't been in the museum long when the drama started. I was looking at a statue (I don't even remember what the hell it was now) and I pointed out something to my BF. Out of no where a security guard appears.

Guard: You can't touch the art.
Me: I wasn't...
Guard: Back away from the art.

He followed us around a bit, and then I lost sight of him. A little bit later I was waiting for friends to finish looking at a piece, and I leaned against the blank wall near the doorway.

Guard: Ma'am, you are too close to the exhibit!
Me: *looks at the exhibit 12 feet away from me* Really?
Guard: Don't make me warn you again.

Now my feathers are ruffled. I know he's just doing his job, and it's probably a thankless bullshit job at that, but Really? So out popped my snark. A few rooms later, when I see that he's still behind us, I walked over to a bench in front of an exhibit and smirked at him.

Me: Can I sit here? Or is this a masterpiece too?

He didn't rise to my bait, sadly.

Near the end of the museum there were two artwork exhibits that really sort of pissed me off. I mean... what the fuck. One was a single canvas of solid blue. The other was three completely white panels. That's all they were. Solid. White. Panels.
So there I was standing in front of the white panels. Just staring. Flabbergasted. And BF says:

BF: So, how do these make you feel?
Me: Like I wish I had brought a sharpie...

And that was when I was herded out of the MOMA!

I was also tossed out of the deYoung Museum, but not because I didn't like the exhibits. Apparently cellphones will damage the artwork, and are not allowed, even if you're a panicked parent who is hurrying for the exit because your child has just been injured. Because, yanno.. the fucking artwork man.

*grins*

In Which I Consider Seppuku

Hey there all, so today was a busy day for me. I had intended to buy tulip bulbs, plant them in my pots on our deck, and then paint all day, however... I'm tired, and probably slightly drunk, so here I am instead! YAY!

I did actually paint some today, but I'm sleepy, and not really into it. My dandelions are looking sad, and I think I want a different type of brush. I have round brushes, but I want to get a fan brush and something with a bit of a point. Sooooo, I think I have a trip to the craft store in my very near future.

Now, I know that I promised some tales from my time in Old Blighty, however the other night at our favorite bar, I was exchanging tales with the girlfriend of one of my husband's old friends from school, and I realized I have a horrible, terrible, awful, shameful story to tell, that's pretty hilarious.

Let me set the scene: It was  94 or 95, and it was my birthday. I honestly can't remember if it was my Sweet 16, or my 17th birthday, but it doesn't really matter. My grandmother had allowed me to invite a lot of people over to the house for a BBQ, and we had minimal adult supervision. We were pretty good kids, most of us, and so there wasn't any alcohol at the house (a few may have been drinking a head of time, but none were drinking on location). However, my best friend from High School, we'll call him Seamus, was a cheeky fucker. He was frequently stoned, and would get high and listen to Phantom of the Opera, and debate with me the nuances of meaning of various operas and musicals. Our favorite was Sweeney Todd.
Anyway, he brings over as my birthday present a small jelly roll cake, and he's grinning. With a cartoonish wink he tells me it's a "Special Cake", and that I should share it after the party has died down. I knew this meant it was loaded with pot, and that he intended for us to listen to an opera (probably  "Die Fledermaus ") after we'd eaten some. This was a typical weekend for us when we hung out actually. Not your kids next door, for sure.
Awesome plan, man. I'm down. But let's go eat burgers and hangout with friends first, kay? Kay.

Nope.

About 2 hours later, we get inside to bring out more soda pop, and my gramma has just taken the last bite of a large slice of the cake. HOLY SHIT! I know my face must have looked amazing, because my gramma told me "Well, I didn't eat ALL of your cake!"
"No, it's um.. no problem Gramma. So, uh, how do you feel?"
"I'm fine, except I ran out of medicine*. Your mother is running to get me some, so you behave for me while it's just me here."
Seamus finally recovers and says "Of course Gramma. You know I think things are wrapping up here soon anyway, we'll just go keep an eye on things."

Outside we loose our minds. I know if I say anything, I will be in for a world of hurt, and I don't want to get Seamus in trouble. He's ready to throw himself under the bus and confess, but I decided to wait and see how things went. I was ready to confess to everything the minute anything seemed to be wrong with Gramma, because she was (still is) very important to me.

We sort of quietly managed to get everyone to leave without incident or suspicion after a little while, since it was Easter break and most of my friends had to get back to family stuff anyway. So finally it's just Seamus and I at home with my Gramma and mom. Seamus had packed away as much of the cake as he could, so there wouldn't be anymore accidental casualties, and we're watching tv with my folks waiting to see if the shoe is going to drop.
I'm grinding my teeth, and scared. Not really for myself, because though I'd get in trouble, it wouldn't honestly be MUCH trouble. My mom is sort of a hippie, and believed in child-rearing by positive reinforcement. (read: I ran wild, and was never ever punished). But my Gramma... I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her. I was filled with dreadful visions of anaphylactic shock, or overdose, and it would all be my fault. I had just decided that if my Gramma became really sick because of me, I would commit dramatic seppuku as penance, when she stood up and walked purposefully to the kitchen. Worried, I followed.

I pretneded to be interested in a drink of water and casually asked her "Whatcha doing Gramma? Anything I can help with?"
"Oh no.. I'm just REALLY hungry. Gosh, I just have this feeling like I need to snack on something!"

My face... I wish I could have seen it. I'm sure it was hysterical.

So my Gramma proceeds to decimate the remains of chips, and regular birthday cake, the whole time marveling at how hungry she is. I know I gave Seamus this look at least once:

I eventually (10 years later)confessed to my Gramma exactly what had happened that day, and what she had eaten. She laughed and told me that now she wanted to try to get her doctor to prescribe her medical pot because that was the best she had slept in ages.

*My grandmother calls her whiskey "medicine". She takes a single shot of it before bed, and the occasional small sip after dinner. She claims it's to help her sleep, and now that she's 95 years old, no one wants to argue it with her.

So there's a look into my life. I wasn't a bad kid, I never got in trouble with the law, I never hurt anyone, and I never disrespected anyone's property. But I wouldn't say I was a good kid either...

Till next time!

Adolescents are not monsters.  They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.  ~Virginia Satir, The New Peoplemaking, 1988