Never Piss Off A Vegan; They're Always Hungry

Hello! I'm feeling super happy and sort of sickeningly chipper today. Probably has something to do with the wine slushies I'm drinking!

I'm also happy to announce that my healthy lifestyle reformation is going well! I've actually gone vegetarian, for a number of reasons, not the least of which was this news article We Are Just One Animal Out of Many.
Mind you, that is Vegetarian, not Vegan because I have an obsession with cheese, but we're being careful to buy only humanely produced cheese from local farms. The farmers around this area are wonderful, and treat their livestock very well. We often drive by this one farm where the cows are often seen frolicking in the large open field that is their domain. No cramped awful pens for these happy guys. It's very sweet to watch.
Since the change I have felt amazing. I used to come home starving, eat some dinner, and then feel sleepy, and heavy, even when I ate strict calorie controlled portions. Now after I eat dinner, I feel great. Last night I went for a jog around the block after dinner, and only came back in because of the threatening storm.
My husband, the ever stoic Number One, does most of the cooking but has not gone veggie with me. However, he's been fantastically supportive and has been adjusting his grocery buying and recipes to suit me.

He's stuck eating the whole dead chicken in our freezer however.

Wine and beer are most of the time considered Vegan (unless they contain honey or have been filtered with blah blah there's a lot to this which I'm sure you'd be bored by) so I double checked and thankfully my favorite vintner and brewery (Wollersheim Winery and New Glarus Brewery respectively) are Vegan and proud. So... I'm going to support them! *hic*


It's a good thing I'm being healthier, because I need to make sure the rest of me is in good shape for the inevitable liver transplant surgery I am going to need.

I honestly haven't missed meat yet, and the only side effect I've had was feeling a little weird and tired on the third day in. I've been very careful to make sure I'm eating plenty of protein by cooking almost daily with Quinoa, or legumes, and it's a good excuse to eat hummus which I adore. It's actually an issue, because if left alone I can eat an entire tub of it, and while that is still vegetarian, it isn't healthy. I also have been eating organic peanut butter, which is delicious.
I'm not eating too much soy, because it seems to be a migraine trigger for me in large quantities. I discovered this when I switched to soy milk to accommodate my lactose intolerance. I still love soy milk though, but I can't have it every day. I do the same with cheese... or at least I should, but I can stand stomach aches better than I can withstand migraines.

Holy shit, I am the most boring, rambling blogger ever. I'm going to go do something crazy, just so I can entertain you people. THAT'S HOW DEDICATED I AM! If I get arrested, I hope you're happy! SHEESH!

Spotify May Be The Greatest Thing Ever

So, as I discussed on my post The Answer with Christine (btw her blog is awesome, and she's really funny and sweet, so go read), I love weird and sort of stupid music. So much so that I have created an entire Spotify playlist dedicated to the dumbest, and greatest music I can find/stomach. 

If you're unfamiliar with Spotify, allow me to sum up: You can stream music to your computer for free, any songs you like, any time you like, and all you have to do is suffer through one or two very short advertisements every 15 minutes or so. If you pay for their Prime membership you can stream anything you want with no ads even through your mobile phone... which I would love to have, but it's alright, their radio isn't too bad either, you just don't get to select the songs you want. You can however tell it "I want to listen to stuff like the Foo Fighters." and it will pick and choose bands and genres that are very similar. So, it's pretty good!

Now that you're all sold on Spotify, allow me to attempt to share the list here.

Wow, that totally worked! Okay, now I promise it isn't all Weird Al. I'd go so far as to say that most of it is not, but the list here shows up in order that I added it, and I just happened to add all of Weird Al first. I recommend starting with nearly anything Candia or Charity Case by MC Frontalot and Handlebars by the Flobots. If you don't want spotify, but still are interested in weird music, the song titles are links to the YouTube videos for those songs. (the MC Frontalot videos are not his videos, but I could only find live versions of them, and I sort of dislike live videos...) Handlebars is particularly good, and the song gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. If you have spotify and want to be on my friends list there, just let me know, I would love to share music with you.

Quotable Quotes

I have started saving these places, because some of the conversations I have with my husband are silly, and he insists I share them. Especially when they make him look brilliant and awesome, and make me look like a spaz.


Sitting in the jeep with Number One- 
Husband: Are you wearing Febreze as a perfume? 
Me: (refusing to look at him) No... That would silly.   
Husband: I ask only because you're the Captain of silliness and because it suddenly smells pretty in here. 


Me: Are you going to the store, because I would like lemon sorbet please? 
Husband: Sure. 
Me: Or any kind of citrus fruit flavor is fine. 
Husband: We have mangoes, and kiwi in the fridge. 
Me: *looking at him confusedly* ...None of those are ice cream.


Next post, I will share photos of the fun shit I do on my weekends. Here's a hint: It involves women taking off their clothes! (We photograph Burlesque shows, and have people offer us drinks)

Stay Tuned!

The Art of Failing

The Hardest Day Is Here

Today is the day that my son flies out. I dread this day every year. I'll spend the rest of tonight after he leaves either completely immersed in a distraction, such as a video game or book, and quite possibly drunk. Then I'll fall into a deep depression for about two or three weeks, and weep inconsolably at random moments. Actually, I have tears on my face now, but I can still see to type, so I'll just continue. Where it gets rough is the feeling that I did the right thing by him, sending him to live with his father, because here I can barely keep a roof over my head. Then I wonder where the fuck I went wrong in my life choices that THAT is the best option I have.

I'm not any of the stereotypes of mother who doesn't have custody of her kids. Don't think for a moment that I lost custody, I didn't. My son begged me to live with his dad because his dad had, at the time, just returned from a tour in Iraq and my son hadn't seen him in nearly two years. There were other factors, such as the fact that I was leaving North Carolina to go back to California and the area I was moving to had shitty public schools, but that was the main factor. I still wonder what I could have done differently.

I want him to stay with us so badly. My husband is fully supportive of that too, they get along great. The problems is money. This Summer has served to illustrate that point painfully well. With the extra person in our household things have been tough. We've had to sell things precious to us to pay bills, and we're looking to sell more. All of this so that my husband can complete his schooling, and have a job that pays well, so that we can drown in student loan debt. I feel like we're on a merry-go-round that is moving too quickly, and we wanted to get off hours ago, but the operator is insane and won't let us go.

For all that, it was a good Summer. My boss has been great about allowing me time whenever I asked for it. We have been able to do some fun things, with kind assistance from friends. I haven't taken as many photos as I would have liked this year, and there will be even less now. One of the precious things we sold was my dSLR. The power bill needs to be paid however, and with the heat we've had this year, it was higher than normal.

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, failing so badly I will die. I think to myself that maybe wading out into a lake and taking a deep breath would be better... But then I think of my son, my husband, and I know I can't do that.

Not the best photo, but we were hiking.

I keep telling myself that it will get better, that I'm doing what I can, with what I've got... It's just so hard. I must remind myself that I'm better off than many people right now. I have a stable job, there is food on my table, and I have friends who love me. I'd like to say I'm not concerned about the roof over my head, but that's a lie. I should be alright there, but I worry.

Sorry this post has been so depressing. I just can't shake the feeling that I somehow failed my son, while I was trying to do the right thing by him. Maybe I should have kept him with me? Maybe I should never have left NC (not that I would have had anywhere to live if I hadn't...)? They say hindsight is always 20/20, but that's not true. I still don't know what I should have done differently. I've had people looking at me like I must be a shitty mom because my son doesn't live with me for so long, I believe them now.



I could go on about this for hours, but you guys have got to be sick of my whining at this point. Let me lighten things up with Buttermilk the goat. She's a dwarf goat who seems to enjoy picking on her friends. (not my goat btw)

Sorry For The Silence!

I'm Alive, REALLY!

So sorry for the long stretch of silence here at TACD, but it's been pretty exciting in meatspace*. As you know, we moved into our new apartment at the begining of the month, and it was a disaster. I've shampooed the carpets a stupid number of times, and painted the living room, dining nook, and hallway. Tonight I've just finished masking off the bathroom, and I'll spend most of tomorrow painting that. Oh, and a garden. I put in a vegetable garden in the back of our place, but the yard needed to be tilled and fertilized before it was ready for planting. I also need to finish putting up my fence.

Oh, and my teenage son is with me, so that's fun. Anyone else have a teenager? They're stinky, and bratty, and know everything. My son is on the Autistic Spectrum, which adds a new level of fun to the usual teenage attitude. But I love him, even if he does shut his bedroom door and marinate in his own smell. (I swear it's like a creature's den in there).

Also exciting, I traveled down to Chicago to stay over night with the FABULOUS Lauren of Filing-Jointly...Finally. The idea was to see The Bloggess speak at Litfest, but that didn't pan out as planned. But that's alright, it was a whole lot of fun anyway.

I have been working on a guest post for Lauren's blog, so look for that in the future.

I've got other stuff to talk about, but it's currently half past 2 in the morning here, and I think I just heard the sounds of my husband giving up and going to bed without me, so I'll sign off now.

G'night guys, and regular posts should resume shortly.

In the meantime, what have you been up to?

Moved in!

Some People Are Awful People...

We're into our new place now, and holy cow...

Wait, lemme me back up. So we got everything packed up (omg I know right? We did it!) and we moved the large stuff into the new garage, and boxes into the storage unit. Then we slept in our old apartment one last night, so we could wash walls, shampoo carpets,a nd give it one last real deep clean before moving our fish tank out.
All that went smoothly, and though it was hard work, it was all done by 2pm. Walked in to our new apartment annnnd....

What. The. Fuck. Carpets are stained and filthy, there is old food left in the cabinets, the bathtub has mildew under where they had their shower mat and the light-bulbs have been taken out of all the ceiling lights. I'm so tired, and we worked SO hard to clean our old place, and now I have to do it again. It's so awful. I'm a really clean person, and though I have occasionally allowed my home to become cluttered, but I never allow it to be filthy. I should have looked around harder, I guess. The fridge is brand new, and so is the stove, so that's good at least.
Husband had to go to work, so I got our bed set up, and sat the rest of the night alone, by the light of one lamp. I was able to find a usb cord for my phone, and connect it to my laptop so I could at least get online via my phone. After all the stress, and exhaustion and way too many energy drinks on top of not enough food... I had a full on panic attack. The "I can't breathe, and I'm dying" kind. I knew in the back of my mind I wasn't, that I was obviously breathing, but I was certain I couldn't. I gasped like a fish for I don't know how long. Eventually I passed out and when I awoke I felt a little better, though I was shaking. After I spoke with my friend Em for a while, I was calmed down. The next day at work I felt like someone had beaten me, and then dragged me behind a truck. I limped around like I was 90 years old, and I couldn't even keep water down. It didn't get much better the next day, when all of my misery was added to by a headache.
I gave in this morning and called in sick.

I totally slept ALL day. Husband went to work, and I woke up only long enough to drink water, then throw it back up. I slept until 6pm when Husband got home. I just ate a little bit, and now I'm mostly alright. Tomorrow, we're shampooing the carpets, and painting the walls, then we'll worry about moving furniture in.

I will take photos once I feel like the place is up to a passing grade.

Now I should try and rest some more, as I have to run in to work tomorrow to complete a few things that I should have finished yesterday.

G'night guys!

The Packing Starts Here

Hey guys!

I just got back from meeting with our new landlord, so the packing starts today! We're set to move memorial day weekend, and I haven't started any of my packing. So let me apologize in advance for not updating as frequently as I want to.
I'll keep today's post short as I can already hear the cats making a mess out of my linen closet.

Let's Pretend This Never Happened

Yes, I've been reading the new Bloggess book, and I love it. Unbelievably funny. Seriously, even funnier than she normally is on her blog, which is already hysterical. My husband does not appreciate my attempts to read passages out-loud to him. He says he already know what it's like to live with a crazy person, he doesn't need insight into what some other poor man is going through.
*tch*
Shocking.. really. He doesn't know what he's missing.

Alright guys, I'll try to post, but no promises! I have a huge two bedroom apartment to pack up, and only 8 days off to do it in.

See you soon!

Starting My Journey With You

So tonight I had my husband take some photos of me at my "Before" weight. I've been trying to watch what I eat for a week or two now, but I always end up discouraged, and then I think "Ah fuck it" and binge on ice cream.

It has to end.

So I'm going to post here, and hopefully it will help me to identify any binge triggers, and keep me focused on my goal. I currently weight (takes a deep breath) 220lbs. Ugh...... I hate it. Would you believe I used to model? It's true.

That's me at age 15. Here's another taken just after my 16th birthday.

Now I weighed about 110lbs there. I won't try to get down that far. I'd be happy at about 150-160. I'd be healthy at that weight, and that's really what I'm after. So, here goes the photo of me now.

Ugh... Not what I want to look like, at all. (btw, that's my son's room I'm standing in. I don't have Mario Bros. posters in MY room... I have like, Dragon Age and Portal... I have standards yanno. >_>)

For dinner tonight we grilled chicken breasts, in seasoning, and had rice. For lunch I had a green salad with a little chicken on it, and breakfast was yogurt and granola. I'm going to start keeping track of how big my portions are, but I'm already spending my days hungry. I ate dinner at 7pm, and now at 11pm my stomach is growling already.

My next step is to start doing more physical activity. As the weather is getting nicer, I will start walking home from work in the evenings, instead of catching the bus. Also, because I love to watch movies, I want to get a treadmill and I will be happy to walk, or jog on it while the tv is going. It will distract me from the fact that I hate to jog.

I want to wear something cute, and pretty. I want to dress fashionable. And it might sound shallow, but I want guys to stop me in the street and compliment me. It used to happen. It doesn't anymore.

I'm going to reward myself with an entirely new, and more expensive wardrobe when I have lost the weight. Also, I plan on having my entire back tattooed in poppies. Why poppies? Why not?

PS, I would cut you for a doughnut. I mean that.

<3 Till next time!

Four Weddings, and a Weirdo

I print photos for a living. So I see all kinds of really cool, and very scary things. When I was first learning how to run rolls of film, I was handed a customer's large order and told "Go for it" and then the Lab Head went to lunch. I was excited! This was going to be great! This order would be... 15 rolls of film from the Las Vegas Porn Expo. Apparently the customer had a thing for really big, and fake boobs. Because, BOY did I see a lot of them!
There were worse things as well. We had a contract with the local police department, and I've signed several non-disclosure agreements (all of which have expired by now). I printed everything from drug bust confiscations (seriously people... if you're going to do illegal shit, don't take photos of it!) to car accidents. I had to throw up in between orders during a large animal abuse set that we printed, and had nightmares after doing rolls and rolls of film of kids on playgrounds that were taken from a sex offender.

I've also seen some truly hysterical stuff. People take photos of the absolute weirdest things. One customer had prints made of their trip to the Grand Canyon, and somehow missed that in the background of all of their family photos was this guy wearing a cape, and hot pink panties over his jeans. Seriously. They were sort of mortified when I pointed it out. Then I felt bad, because I was giggling the whole time.

I think the best though are the ones that believe they're outstanding photographers. And you'll know them, because they're the ones who will go out of their way to tell you that they are professionals. In their cases this usually means "I got paid $50 once to photograph my cousin's wedding because it was sort of a quick wedding, and there wasn't time to book a photographer, and I had just gotten a digital camera for Christmas 3 months earlier."

I can always tell the real pros from the wanna-bes. The pros never tell you they are a professional. They assume that you'll handle their photos as well as you're able, because you're a professional too. They're not printing at Walmart, or Costco for a reason. They're giving their work to you because you're not a teenager who got a 2 hour crash course in the machine; you've been doing this for years, and understand how it works.

The wanna-be will tell me all about how their process works, their artistic vision, and then warn me not to fuck it up. And I assure them that I will not. And it's true. Because they've probably already done all the damage I could ever possibly dream of doing themselves.

Over-exposed so there is no detail in any of the whites, under-exposed so badly that everything is a weird yellow when you try to lighten it.

The worst part is I have seen great stuff come through, by people who don't realise they're good at it. That always makes me sad. There is a lovely older lady who does some photos and she sells them for the benefit of a charity she works with. And she's really, really good. But she's very sweet about it. I don't think she realises how good she is.

My husband is also wonderful. But he actually closed up his wedding photography business last year and went back to school for computer systems admin after being under-sold repeatedly by these same wanna-bes that drive me so crazy.
Here's a photo from one of his weddings: 

And here's one of my photos from a wedding we shot together.

He's much better than I am, but I think we're both pretty darn good! However, I see photos come in all the time that make me angry, because someone paid their hard earned money for them, and they're just awful. But I've come to realise that photography as a profession is not respected. Anyone can buy a camera now, if they're willing to spend the money. And I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Your camera takes really great pictures!"

No. I take really great pictures, my camera is just what I use to take them.

Then there are the photos that look like they were shot by a guy with a case of the detox shakes, and edited by a five year old in Picnik . Photos like this one that I borrowed off of Wedinator, because I would hate to get in trouble for posting one of the ones I've actually printed in my lab myself.  In all fairness to this photo, it's likely that this was shot by a friend of their's and not their hired photographer, but I promise you the bargain-basement photographers that will shoot your whole wedding and reception for $300... this is usually what you'll get.

Holy handgrenades, I think this is my longest post! Perhaps I should wrap it up with a link to a video that makes me laugh. I think between my husband and I we've heard all of these come from a client's mouth.


Next entry I will tell you about how I ended up living in London, England.


<3!

I'm Totally a Grownup... I Got This

I got a phone call today, just as I was getting home from work. My nephew, who will be two in August, is in the emergency room. For reasons as yet unknown, his blood sugar is dangerously low, and they can't seem to raise it.
I had other things to say here tonight, but that seems more important. He's the best little kid you've ever seen, and so funny.
I'm an only child, and my husband has a larger family than I do (2 sisters, 1 brother) so when we got married I enthusiastically embraced the idea of having a large, and boisterous family. To my delight they enthusiastically embraced me back.
When it was announced by my brother in law and his wife that they were expecting, I think I was nearly as excited as they were. I love babies, and though I have no plans to have anymore myself, I adored the idea of having a niece or nephew to spoil the hell out of.
I think I must have looked bad when I got the call from my mother in law, because my co-worker put her hand on me.
The good news is they think that it isn't life-threatening, and the doctors are sure it will be treatable once they get the results back, so they know how to treat it.
But send good thoughts his way, and prayers too if you do that sort of thing.

Now, my original plan had been to discuss music, and food, but I think I'm just going to have ice cream and wine make some dinner and watch tv by the phone tonight instead. Because I'm totally an adult, and I got this shit. But I will leave you with a little bit of what I had intended to talk about.

Today at work I was listening to Pandora Radio, and my playlist was based off of Amanda Palmer (if you don't know who she is, listen here "In My Mind" by Amanda Palmer ) and Pandora gave me a band I had never heard of before, and I was instantly taken with them. They're just... awesome. I couldn't stop moving, tapping my toes and snapping fingers along with the song. Thankfully everyone I work with is well used to how "weird" I am, and they no longer ask questions.

So with that build up.. Here's the band.

Katzenjammer - Demon Kitty Rag